With most rituals, the first few times of doing it tend to feel awkward.
Do you feel the same way?
About 12 years, I first noticed this urge from within me wanting to write down things I learned, felt and believed in. From time to time, I wrote my sparse thoughts in notebooks, but the impulses came and went, and they never became a habit.
About 4 years ago, I realised this urge of writing emerged again, but this time it evolved into wanting to share my thoughts with the world. I rode that wave of emotions, started writing and even ran a social media account and Youtube channel for a good 6 months.
But the 2nd time, I had limited myself to writing about personal finance. I embraced the desire of writing but masked it with the face of a content creator.
3rd time’s the charm, but in the past few months:
I decided to write this weekly newsletter.
But why?
I deeply reflected to find the source of this intrinsic, emotional desire of mine.
“Because I want to become someone who shares his learnings and knowledge with others.”
“Because I want to help people.”
“Because I believe that helping others is a way for me to elevate myself to a higher level of being.”
“Because I want to discover and uncover the best version of myself.”
“Because I would die with regret it if I did not try to become the best version of myself.”
“Because I want to live a life without any regrets.”
So, I write.
A cycle of exploitation and exploration
I write because writing is a way for me to process the thoughts in my head.
It forces me to summarise the ideas I have and put them into my own words so that it becomes my own piece of knowledge.
By making more and more pieces of knowledge that I can call my own, the more I exploit what’s in my mind to find the limits of my mind.
Only then can I question what I don’t know.
Only then can I start exploring new unchartered areas of knowledge.
By repeating this process of exploitation and exploration, I hope to refine my the thoughts in my head, and refine my mind.
But to be honest with you, this process is quite arduous and is very taxing to my mind.
That’s because I’m not very used to honest writing.
Honest Writing
(1) Though I am better at it now, being 100% honest to myself has been emotionally challenging.
(2) Writing those honest thoughts as a process of refinement is intellectually challenging.
Writing honestly is a task that demands emotional security and intellectual humility.
But I have decided to take up this challenge. Of writing honestly, every single week.
This process of honest writing, is my intellectual and emotional endeavour, of self-refinement.
As a start, I am setting off to write continuously for 10 weeks, as apparently that’s how long it takes to build a habit (on average).
And I hope this habit of self-refinement, will turn into a permanent ritual that I keep for the rest of my life.
For I long to live a life of self-refinement.
And if I succeed to do so until my end days, I can die peacefully knowing I lived trying to be the best version of myself.
‘Till next week,
Ruiz