A: Why do you believe what you believe, R?
R: Well… Dr Shad Helmsletter argues that “the longer you have thought those thoughts, the “truer” it is.”
A: So, does it mean that my beliefs are my beliefs because I’ve heard, spoken and repeated them to myself for a very long time?
Sounds like self-brainwashing.
R: The word “brainwashing” has a negative connotations to it, but it’s essentially the same… Let’s investigate.
What are some things I’ve said to myself over and over again for the longest time?
- I am a patient person.
- I believe that people are innately good.
- In whatever I do, I do my best in it.
- I am good at planning and managing things.
- I want to help others.
To me, I feel that all the above are true about myself.
They are my ‘truths’.
These are things I’ve repeated myself for the longest time, that I don’t recall when I first started ‘believing’ in them.
The above have been programmed in me, that it feels weird not to believe so about myself.
A: So, are you saying that beliefs are simply old programs in yourself?
R: That’s it. Beliefs are simply old programs.
…And if they are, it does not necessarily mean that they are founded in truth. I may have old programs that are bad or untrue as well.
A: For example..?
R: Hmm…
What are some beliefs I have about myself that are bad, yet are my ‘truths’?
For the longest time, I’ve always thought to myself that:
- I am, naturally, physically weaker than other men.
- When I get older, I will grow a tummy, get diabetes and have high cholesterol to deal with.
- I will never get over my addiction to porn.
- I am not good at doing intricate work.
- I am socially awkward around others.
- People tend to find what I say to be boring.
It’s difficult for admit this, but these, too, are my ‘truths’. They are unattractive, embarrassing and simply bad ‘truths’.
But, I have believed this about myself for the longest time.
And if these beliefs were founded in objective truth, then surely, they cannot be changed.
But no.
As bad as these beliefs may be, they are simply old programs that continue to linger and dictate my behaviour till today.
These ‘beliefs’ of mine are not immutable truths.
They can be changed. I can be reprogrammed.
A: I see…
So, how do you get rid of your bad beliefs? How do you change your beliefs for the better?
Is it just a matter of telling yourself again and again that you are not the bad thoughts you have about yourself? Is that how you remove bad old programs within yourself?
R: Not quite. You can try removing the old programs, but based on my experience, I would advise replacing them with new programming.
A: Why not just remove the old programs?
R: Because when there is an empty space inside you, anxiety and depression can easily creep in.
Let me tell you a story.
The Robot, The Owner and The Son
It is the year 2300, and there is an advanced humanoid robot that was given the primary directive of “taking care of its aging owner”.
Its primary directive is a core program within the robot that dictates it’s all of its beliefs, attitudes, feelings, and actions.
But one inevitable day, the owner dies. And the owner did not remember to give the robot a new directive before she passed.
The robot lost the object of its primary directive. It’s lost its purpose.
The robot searches for ways to reinterpret its old primary directive.
- Perhaps it can make do with taking care of the owner’s home and belongings?
- Perhaps it can extend its servitude to the owner’s next of kin?
- Perhaps it can expend efforts to maintain and upkeep the owner’s legacy?
But no. Nothing can really fulfil what has been lost in the robot’s heart. There is no path that the robot can take that will guide it from its own lostness.
The directionless wandering fills the robot with anxiety. The void of purpose plunges the robot into depression.
.
.
But then, one day, the owners’ son approaches the robot and tells it that the old owner left something in her will for the robot. He passes the printed will and points to the highlighted section pertaining to the robot’s inheritance.
Immediately, the robot recognises the familiar strokes of its old owner’s handwriting and knew that this will was authentic. It read what the old owner had passed on to it.
“You are now responsible for taking care of my son. He is your new owner. That is your new directive.”
The old owner had given it a new core program. A direction. A purpose.
The robot’s disoriented wandering turned into an intentional march. The robot’s absent mindedness turned into conscious proactiveness.
Its anxiety calmed down. Its depression lifted away.
Its new program gave it a new set of beliefs.
It now believes that is responsible for this new objective.
Its beliefs directs its attitude.
Its attitude directs its feelings.
Its feelings directs its actions.
R: In our case, we are the robot, the old owner and the new owner.
Our past selves held to old programs that created our beliefs, which in turn dictated our behaviours, attitudes and actions.
Over time, some of those programs may become corrupted, turn irrelevant or turn out to be untrue.
We owe it to our current selves to give it new and better programming.
Don’t just remove the old programming. If you do so, you expose yourself to being lost, anxious and depressed.
***
The above is a conversation I had with myself about what I believe about myself.
It’s a self-conversation, a method of self-talk I learned from reading Dr Shad Helmsletter’s book “What To Say When You Talk to Yourself”.
Self Talk
You and I have a voice in our heads.
What does it always say?
Is it kind? Is it hurtful?
The voices in our heads is our programming running its course. And it is so critical that we recognise the huge influence it has on our life.
- Programming creates beliefs.
- Beliefs create attitudes.
- Attitudes create feelings.
- Feelings determine actions.
- Actions create results.
Self talk is a method of intentionally reprogramming ourselves to become the person we desire to be, to create the life we want to live.
It is an active way of taking control of your life again, rather than passively accepting your life.
If you would like to learn more about how to practice self-talk in your life, then let me know by clicking below:
Till next week,
Ruiz
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